Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
