Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
