forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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