did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
