Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize