just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
