Porn is love you can see.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
