I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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