We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
