So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
