is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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