Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize