I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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