He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
