There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
