very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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