im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
