im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
