im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
love makes seman taste better
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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