I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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