I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
