The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
