What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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