just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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