So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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