Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
