I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
