i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
