possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
