she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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