Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
