Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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