I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
