My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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