Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
