he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
