The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
