are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
