Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
