You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
