HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
