Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
