Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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