is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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