Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
