you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
