i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize