Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize