if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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