fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
