Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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