I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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