Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
