I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
