I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
