dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
vagina is talking i cant
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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