I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
