I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Green mimosas i think yes
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
