Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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