Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
