Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
