Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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