dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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