he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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