you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
