This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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