OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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