Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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