But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize