I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
