Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
