Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
