i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
