We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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