Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
