he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
