Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
